Bits and Pieces
From "The Grab Bag" San Francisco Examiner & Chronicle, Sunday, January 28, 1996:
"Tag Samuel Goldwyn with this one, too: 'If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man
alive.'"
"Indonesia is home to a five-pound bird that barks. It's a hornbill known as the Tangkokored knob.
Locals call it 'the flying dog.'"
The following snippets are from "News of the Weird" by Chuck Shepherd. This appears in the San Jose Mercury, and probably many other newspapers.
"Fortune magazine reported in October on the foresightedness of Procter and Gamble in registering
names for potential exclusive Internet addresses. It won the right to use, among other names:
toiletpaper.com, pimples.com, germs.com, bacteria.com, dandruff.com, underarm.com, bad-breath.com, and diarhea.com."
"A January Reuters news service story on the Japanese physical comedy team, Tokyo Shock Boys, listed several grotesque injuries suffered by team members' aiming for laughs: scarring of groins and buttocks from dropping firecrackers down their pants; tender skin, in patches, resulting from gluing various objects to their faces; and missing teeth by one member caused by bites of scorpions he puts in his mouth. One member, Danna Koyanagi, takes milk into his mouth and squirts it out his eyes. The
Group's advertising slogan is, 'Please laugh. We're risking out lives.'"
"Demond Morris' latest documentary, 'The Human Animal: the Biology of Love', now on TV in England,
will appear on U.S. cable TV in January and picture a human orgasm -- from inside the vagina.
A tiny camera, similar to those which are used for exploration of the colon, was placed inside 31-year-
old Wendy Duffield, and another one was strapped onto her husband's penis. The couple reportedly had sex about 60 times to assure sufficient footage."
"Mike McElroy, making an appeal to the West Lake Hills, Texas, City Council in August of the benefits
of his being allowed to keep his pet donkey, Pearl, at his home despite regulations against it: 'This is a
great opportunity for our kids and other kids who come to see us to be able to recognize and identify
manure, which will help them in the future. Children need, at an early age, to be able to identify
manure.'"
"Born in April in Little Rock was daughter Lexus Camry Peterson. Finishing 35th in the Club North
Shore Half Marathon near Chicago in April was Farm Vehicle, 38."
"The Journal of Spinal Cord Medicine reported in a recent issue that observation of 10 patients whose
wounds would not heal via antibiotics showed a weekly 20 percent improvement when ordinary maggots were placed on the wound. Maggots ate the dead skin tissue and the bacteria around the cut."
"'Snapping turtle bites off vacationer's testicles' 'Nature-crazy salesman Dayle Nisi was skinnydipping
with his fiancee in a remote mountain lake when a humongous snapping turtle swam by and bit off his
testicles,' the Weekly World News reports.
Recently Nisi and Tricia Tealey drove from Utica, N.Y., to her uncles' cabin in the Adirondacks for a
vacation. Because the cabin was so far from anywhere they spent their days swimming and sunning
without clothes. But one day the couple had been in the water for less than five minutes when a 30-pound turtle attacked and feasted on Nisi's family jewels.
'I felt this excruciating pain in my groin and when I got my bearings, I realized a turtle had bitten my
testicles off and swum away with them,' says Nisi."
From the SJ Mercury but I don't think it is from News of the Weird:
"The magic Labrador: Scottish police are hot on the trail of Oscar the performing dog, whose owner
bills him as the world's only canine hypnotist. The main attraction at a sellout show in Edinburgh this
week, Oscar bolted while being exercised by his owner, Hugh Cross. Police have warned people not to look the Labrador straight in the eye or they'll be hypnotized."
"Naked musician briefly in trouble, By Matt Helms, Knight-Ridder News Service: A naked man who
played an accordion while four friends danced partially dressed in a Laundromat in Michigan's Upper
Peninsula has learned his lesson, authorities said Wednesday, and neither he nor his friends are likely to be charged.
The five, believed to be students at Michigan Technological University in Houghton, had faced
disorderly conduct charges. When Hancock, Mich., police responded to a complaint early Saturday
morning, two men and two women were dancing in their underwear to the music of the accordionist,
who was naked.
Police said the man, a graduate student from Brazil, told them, 'I can't play the accordion unless I'm
completely nude.'
Police did not release his name because he hadn't been charged.
'They realize that kind of behavior isn't acceptable,' said Hancock Police Chief Mike Beaudoin.
Houghton County Prosecutor Doug Edwards said four of the students were wearing underwear that
might be less revealing than beachwear.
'It's 3 o'clock in the morning, no one else is around -- what would you do?' said Edwards, tongue firmly
in cheek.
But apparently at least two other women were in the Laundromat while the stripping was in progress.
Both called police. One offered graphic details of the nude man's anatomy.
'That's the report I'm waiting on,' Edwards said."
"Study raises health concern about ditto machines, Gannett News Service
Those smelly, purple-ink sheets that teachers regularly crank out on low-tech ditto machines may be
hazardous to everyone's health, according to the American Federation of Teachers.
Darryl Alexander, AFT's workplace health and safety director, said a brief study found that ditto machine fluid has excessive amounts of methanol, a highly volatile alcohol.
A spot check of schools from California, Pennsylvania, Missouri, Michigan, the District of Columbia,
Louisiana and Oklahoma found that ditto machines are still in frequent use.
Alexander said exposure to methanol in schools can be much higher than levels allowed in workplaces by the Occupational Safety and Health Administration.
Methanol has a 'high odor threshold' and by the time you smell it, 'you've already been overexposed.' she said.
The AFT study was prompted by teacher complaints of headaches, nausea and other ailments.
Alexander proposes a survey to find how prevalent ditto machines are and gauge potential health
problems."
PEOPLE In the News, also from the SJ Merc:
"I love karate; it's like a bible to me. But deep inside, I'm so . . . I mean, I'm so sensitive" -- the muscles
from Brussels, Jean-Claude Van Damme
"Mama, Clinton has bombed our outhouse." -- Rade Gasevic, alerting his mother that the family privy
had been decimated in the opening salvos of bombings of Bosnian Serbian positions.
Murphy's Law revisited
"Washington Post readers have given birth to these siblings of Murphy's Law:
- Bates' Law: The phone always rings when you are outside the shower with a knife.
- Law of Productivity: If not controlled, work will flow to the competent people until they
submerge.
- Law of Imitation: It's not plagiarism if you would have said it the same way, had you said it first.
(Biden's Corollary: It's not plagiarism if you would have said it the same way, had you said it
first.)
- Alter Ego Scenario: Older, more experienced workers are a valuable resource because when
they retire, everything can be blamed on them.
- Driver's Mantra: If you do not care where you are, you are not lost.
- Absent-Minded Professor's Observation: People who say 'Where did you last have it?' actually
believe they are being of some assistance.
- Law of Disproportionate Pain: A ton of bricks weighs the same as a ton of feathers unless it hits
you in the head."
Harper's Index, Copyright 1995. Harper's Index. Harper's magazine:
"Number of domestic violence counselors the NFL sent to its teams' training camps last year: 28."
"Number of rubber ducks accidentally spilled in the North Pacific in 1992 by a U.S.-bound freighter:
7,250"
"Number of oceanographers conducting a study of the ducks' dispersion as a measure of ocean currents: 2"
Harper's Index, Copyright 1989. Harper's Index. Harper's magazine:
"Percentage increase, since 1987, in the number of children killed by guns in Broward County, Fla.:
209"
"Number of years Steve Jenne of Springfield, Ill., has saved a buffalo sandwich bitten into by Richard
Nixon: 28."
"Number of the 41,000 applicants for concealed-weapon permits in Florida in 1988 who were turned
down: 246"
Remember, stochastic accretion makes the world go round.
And did you know that Rasputin's telephone number was St. Petersburg 64646?
